i got some new followers this week and i am only a few from my next hundred now (as this is a personal blog, i am so excited). but i realized that i’ve been really absent these days, due mostly to the lack of new pictures. so i promise i am developing a new film this weekend, okay? it’s my first b&w lomo and i’m excited. bye.
yes elisa, go green, leave your car at your parents house, you dont need it, walk to school, exercise. you are such a better person now. you go girl
EXCEPT WHEN ITS POURING RAIN AND I AM ALONE WAITING FOR IT TO STOP AND I CANT ASK ANYONE FOR A RIDE BC EVERYONE HATES ME. shit
the amount of comfort i have here is insane. food in the fridge. comfortable couch. internet access. all the complete season of sex and the city. it’s so comfortable i feel stressed.
there’s nothing telling me to study, to research, to read. nothing telling me to go outside and see things. i have no urge to photograph or draw. nothing new. i feel like there’s nothing to do here - the feeling i hate the most.
the stress manifests in my body, so i can’t hide it from myself: i have migraines, i have a tense back, a tense neck. i can’t sleep. i eat something every 5 minutes. i have a light subconscious auto-mutilating thing where i peel off my skin with my fingernails (not so shitty as it sounds, i am slowly starting to control myself). i can’t help it. being at this perfect environment is so damaging to me.
i’m seriously thinking the thing i hate the most is being comfortable and not challenged. being at somewhere i am totally used to while there’s so much more.
at all times i’m secretly judging everyone i know who have the means to leave but is still living with their parents.
the worst thing i can possibly do, while young and living on the face of this wide earth, is feeling at home.